The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor. ~Author Unknown


In the Middle Ages; they had guillotines; stretch racks; whips and cahins. Nowadays; we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. ~Stephen Phillips


Forget about calories - everything makes thin people thinner; and fat people fatter. ~Mignon McLaughlin; The Second Neurotic's Notebook; 1966


The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. ~Dave Barry


Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out; but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. ~Author Unknown


Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!? ~Attributed to Sandra J. Dykes


The older you get; the tougher it is to lose weight; because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. ~Author Unknown


It is a hard matter; my fellow citizens; to argue with the belly; since it has no ears. ~Plutarch


Gluttony is an emotional escape; a sign something is eating us. ~Peter De Vries


The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life. ~Cyril Connolly; The Unquiet Grave


It would be far easier to lose weight permanently if replacement parts weren't so handy in the refrigerator. ~Hugh Allen


Gluttony is not a secret vice. ~Orson Welles


The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage. ~Peggy Ryan


It's not women's fault that diets don't work. It's not perversity of lack of willpower. God did this - in Her great wisdom. ~Dr. Wayne Callaway


History is apt to judge harshly those who sacrifice tomorrow for today. ~Harold MacMillan


The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day; you're off it. ~Jackie Gleason


It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. ~Roseanne Barr


I am a nutritional overachiever. ~Author Unknown


There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. ~Mark Twain


I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts; I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ~Erma Bombeck


I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food. ~Erma Bombeck


They are sick that surfeit with too much; as they that starve with nothing. ~William Shakespeare


I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. ~Totie Fields


"I bought a talking refrigerator that said ""Oink"" every time I opened the door. It made me hungry for pork chops. ~Marie Mott"


To lengthen your life; shorten your meals. ~Proverb


I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. ~Paula Poundstone


"I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. ~Jean Kerr; ""Mirror; Mirror; on the Wall;"" The Snake Has All the Lines; 1958"


To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. ~Mark Twain; The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; 1876


Life itself is the proper binge. ~Julia Child


I go up and down the scale so often that if they ever perform an autopsy on me they'll find me like a strip of bacon - a streak of lean and a streak of fat. ~Texas Guinan


A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. ~Author Unknown





We never repent of having eaten too little. ~Thomas Jefferson; 1825


More die in the United States of too much food than of too little. ~John Kenneth Galbraith; The Affluent Society


I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want; but you must eat it with naked fat people. ~Ed Bluestone


A diet is a plan; generally hopeless; for reducing your weight; which tests your will power but does little for your waistline. ~Herbert B. Prochnow


We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world; and with more diets to keep us from eating it. ~Author Unknown


My advice if you insist on slimming:? Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it. ~Harry Secombe


I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have d?j? vu. ~Jane Wagner


A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit. ~Author Unknown


When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful; though; because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad. ~Janette Barber


My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. ~Orson Welles


I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me!? ~Author Unknown


A waist is a terrible thing to mind. ~Tom Wilson


When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have!? We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius; our humanity; our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen


My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light; she starts to eat. ~Henny Youngman


I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. ~Mae West


"Albert Einstein; who discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy; which explains why; as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton; ""You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.""? ~Dave Barry; Dave Barry Turns 50"


Where do you go to get anorexia?? ~Shelley Winters


Never eat more than you can lift. ~Miss Piggy


I recently had my annual physical examination; which I get once every seven years; and when the nurse weighed me; I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990. ~Dave Barry


Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back. ~Robert Quillen


You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. ~Author Unknown


No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain; you might look good; but all you could do is run for public office. ~George Bernard Shaw


I think I just ate my willpower. ~Author Unknown


As for food; half of my friends have dug their graves with their teeth. ~Chauncey M. Depew


You know it's time to diet when you push away from the table and the table moves. ~Quoted in The Cockle Bur


Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths. ~Author Unknown


"If food is your best friend; it's also your worst enemy. ~Edward ""Grandpa"" Jones; 1978"


Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge. ~Don Kardong


Your stomach shouldn't be a waist basket. ~Author Unknown


Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. ~Author Unknown


If hunger is not the problem; then eating is not the solution. ~Author Unknown


Bigger snacks mean bigger slacks. ~Author Unknown


Obesity is a mental state; a disease brought on by boredom and disappointment. ~Cyril Connolly; The Unquiet Grave


If I can't have too many truffles I'll do without. ~Colette


Blessed are those who hunger and thirst; for they are sticking to their diets. ~Author Unknown


Obesity is really widespread. ~Joseph O. Kern?II


If I had been around when Rubens was painting; I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss?? Well; she would have been the paintbrush. ~Dawn French


Brain cells come and brain cells go; but fat cells live forever. ~Author Unknown


One should eat to live; not live to eat. ~Cicero; Rhetoricorum LV


If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies. ~Elmer Rice





Clogged with yesterday's excess; the body drags the mind down with it. ~Horace


People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year; but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. ~Author Unknown


If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along; you will find that; mercifully; they all blur together; leaving you with only one definite piece of information:? french-fried potatoes are out. ~Jean Kerr


Dieters live life in the fasting lane. ~Author Unknown


People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think; yeah; that's the problem. ~Chris Adams


If you really want to be depressed; weigh yourself in grams. ~Jason Love


Dieting is not a piece of cake. ~Author Unknown


Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet. ~Dan Bennett


If you wish to grow thinner; diminish your dinner. ~H.S. Leigh


Dieting is wishful shrinking. ~Author Unknown


Reality check:? you can never; ever; use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not; you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband; the same job; the same kids; and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life. ~Phillip C. McGraw; The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom; 2003


I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat. ~Jennifer Greene Duncan


Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork. ~English Proverb


Rich; fatty foods are like destiny:? they too; shape our ends. ~Author Unknown


I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?? ~Author Unknown


Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself. ~Author Unknown


"She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say ""when.""? ~P.G. Wodehouse"


I'm not overweight; I'm undertall. ~Author Unknown


Eat; drink and be merry; for tomorrow ye diet. ~Lewis C. Henry


Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence?? I think not!? ~Author Unknown





I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short. ~Shelley Winters


Fat is not a moral problem. It's an oral problem. ~Jane Thomas Noland


The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney


I'm on a 90-day wonder diet. Thus far; I've lost 45 days. ~Author Unknown


Flabbergasted; adj. Appalled over how much weight you have gained. ~Author Unknown


The cardiologist's diet:? If it tastes good; spit it out. ~Author Unknown


I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Author Unknown


Food has replaced sex in my life; now; I can't even get into my own pants. ~Author Unknown


The commonest form of malnutrition in the western world is obesity. ~Mervyn Deitel


In general; mankind; since the improvement of cookery; eats twice as much as nature requires. ~Benjamin Franklin


Food is like sex:? when you abstain; even the worst stuff begins to look good. ~Beth McCollister